Drama sucks. You can’t always put a stop to it, but there’s something that I’ve noticed in the book blogging community that I DO think we can put a stop to, and that’s how we react to drama. Here’s a trend that I’ve seen:
- Something controversial happens that stirs up drama.
- People argue.
- Bloggers start saying things like:
- What’s the point of this?
- I feel like I should just quit!
- If bloggers aren’t appreciated, why are we even here?!
- This is really stressing me out.
- People battle out this drama for DAYS AND DAYS.
- People start to feel tired and worn down.
- Repeat step #3.
And I understand why we get tired and why we start having those “questioning why I’m blogging” thoughts, I totally do! But I also think that we don’t need to feel that way.
Blogging is what you make it
I absolutely hate drama. I avoid it and that ignorance makes me a happy blogger. I feel when it comes to drama, we have a choice:
- Let it get to you. Listen to the “haters”, get into heated arguments and debates, let other people affect you. This will cause stress and uncertainty.
- Let it go, let it gooooo! Read through the drama once, if you must, to get a gist of what’s going on. Then roll your eyes, say “whatevs”, and move on. Don’t let other peoples’ thoughts and judgements affect how you blog.
I go with option #2.
I blog however I want to blog, TYVM!
If someone thinks I’m “doing it wrong” — screw them.
If someone criticizes me for the way I do things, they can just fuck off.
We all have a choice. We can make blogging be stressful, we can let the drama drown us, we can be brought down. Or, we can realize that blogging is a personal thing. We can be different, do things our own way, and not let drama or disagreements get to us.
Sometimes I see people lingering over one dramatic incident for DAYS. It’ll be two days later, I’ve long forgotten about it, but I STILL see people tweeting about it and arguing. Is that really what you want to do? (And if it is, that’s totally fine, because as I said, do your own thing and don’t let someone tell you otherwise.) How does it make you feel to still be bickering about something that you could have long forgotten about?
- We can let things blow over and move on.
- Or, we can keep beating it with a stick to see how long we can make it last.
Do we really need to prolong it?
I guess that’s ultimately what I’m trying to say. Do we need to always battle things out to the very end? Do we always need to be the one who has the last say? Do we always need to fight until we win? I mean, at the end of the day, who cares? Whether you win or lose in the battle of epic, dramatic proportions, you can still blog exactly the way you want to blog. It doesn’t matter.
I’m in the grey area for this which is a really odd place to be because I usually see everything in black or white. I sometimes can’t let go when the people saying things and doing things start to hurt my feelings. There was one incident last year where I posted my own thoughts about a certain topic and things were said about me. Obviously, I had to stand up up for myself and right the wrongs they were thinking and saying. But afterwards, I just couldn’t shake the feeling that they were judging without the whole story. It’s hard to be critical and still feel like you can say whatever you want. Only there’s a line drawn when it starts being disrespectful and personal. Usually an apology will fix everything,. In the end, we’re all human and make mistakes, so that’s what I have to remember. If things are still escalated I just log off and come back later. And yes I still get those feelings of wanting to quit all the time! Blogging is a lot of work and when it starts to become like a job you hate? Well that gives you something to think about.
I don’t think there’s a problem with replying once, or even a few times. I think it is important that you know when to stop. For instance:
Sometimes I end up in a debate/argument with someone. They have one view and I have a different one. I voice my thoughts, they respond, I provide an argument, they provide their own.
That’s okay. BUT…
After a while you have to realize that you’re just going back and forth. I realize that this person’s opinion is NEVER going to change because they think they’re right, and I know that I’m not going to change mind because I think I’m right. So once you realize that nobody is changing their minds, what’s the point?
That’s when I stop replying to the conversation. I just drop it. Kind of an “agree to disagree” type thing. Because after you’ve both gotten your opinions out there and know that the other person isn’t going to change, I personally think there’s no point in continuing.
But some people just keep going and going and going and going foreeeeever.
I have stopped following people who are into all the drama all the time. It’s the same people over and over and sometimes it seems like they’re just bored and want something to do. Or maybe they just like drama, but I don’t need that kind of negativity. I miss out on the good stuff they talk about too, but I’m much happier without all the drama. The bad was outweighing the good. I’m more of a loner blogger than a social blogger, so most people I follow are more acquaintances than anything. Dropping them hasn’t affected my (blogging) life and it certainly hasn’t affected theirs.
Yeah sometimes I wish I could mute some people during drama, but then un-mute them after… But I know I’d always forget to un-mute them. :/
Hear, hear!
I feel like sometimes it is a good thing to be a bit more detached from the blogging world during the day just because I seem to miss a lot of the drama
Missie @ A Flurry of Ponderings
I kind of like to be aware of what’s going on, but then as soon as I’m “aware” I’m ready to be done with it, lol.
Most of the time I don’t even know about the drama until a day or two later, so I’ll go back, read tweets, read some posts, and then move on. I am not the type of person who gets involved. I know bloggers have lots of opinions and want to voice those opinions whenever something happens, but I just…don’t. Like…I don’t really care. The drama isn’t on my blog, or direct at me, so I don’t feel like I need to insert myself into it and get pulled into the hooplah and have the fun sucked out of blogging. I’ll just say over here in my dramafree bubble. 😛
Yeah, same here! As soon as I get the deets I’m like, “Wow that sucks!” or “That’s stupid!” or even “OMG!!” But then 5 minutes later I’m done and onto something else.
What drama?
I don’t follow anyone who posts about drama so I’m usually oblivious to all of it. Honestly, the only way I know anything about it, is if someone shares a cryptic post about “the drama.” Oblivion is a good place. I highly recommend it.
Yep, ignorance is bliss. 🙂 We don’t need drama.
I am a newbie blogger and so far everything has been good. I haven’t noticed any drama…maybe I’m not following the drama queens. Curious as to what the drama is? Are bloggers actually mean to other bloggers?! I actually feel like I can be myself in blog world.
Well, it varies.
USUALLY it’s more of “authors vs bloggers” drama rather than “blogger vs blogger”.
One example would be a recent even where an author launched a Kickstarter campaign to fund her next book. She was asking for about $10,000 for:
* Cover art
* Editing
* Other publication fees
* Living expenses while she wrote the book
Then some people got pissed that she was asking for living expenses so she would have time to write the book. Thus we had like a WEEK of debate and complaining about whether or not that was “okay” to do.
Oh and to reply to your question…I hate arguing but, admittedly like reading others little beefs. I haven;t come across any blogger arguments yet but, I bet it’s like reading script for a reality show. Free entertainment.
Blogger drama is in the long list of things that make me want to run into a wall. I hate how there can be such crap that happens in our community. Sometimes, it does make me question why I’m blogging. However, I’m a lot like a rubber band because I snap back really quick. blogging has always been more rewarding than not. I’ve met amazing people and I wouldn’t give it up just because there are people who want to cause trouble.
I think it’s so easy for people to consume themselves in anger and sadness when we should be focusing on all the good things.
Yeah I would never give up blogging (unless I got bored or something). I just wouldn’t let other people dictate what I do with my life/blog.
I really hate to argue with people, especially bloggers. Most of the time, I do everything I can to avoid confrontation, but I do not let that get in the way of sharing my opinion. Sometimes, bloggers are “offended” by someone else’s honest opinion, which I do not think should happen in our community. I believe that everyone should be able to proclaim their own opinions without having to worry about sparking a Twitter battle. Do not get me wrong, the book blogging community is amazing and I would not trade my spot for the world. I just wish we could all get along so we can share our love of books peacefully.
I hate arguing and confrontation too! It’s just so draining >_< And as you said, we're all allowed to have our own opinions. And just because I have a certain opinion doesn't mean I'm judging anyone who has a different opinion.
YES THIS.
I hate conflict. Absolutely hate it. So it’s not a surprise that I hate drama. Especially after being caught up in one thing last year that almost made me quit, I never want to be a part of it again. Drama just depresses you and makes you question the community and why you’re part of it. I avoid any mention of drama as well as I can. If someone is constantly stirring the pot in every incident that pops up, I’m going to unfollow them. Who wants such negativity in their life?
Blogging is my hobby and I will enjoy it. I’d rather follow people who are posting new, exciting, uplifting content and enjoy the community. This past year I’ve found like minded people who fit this profile. They don’t care about drama, and if they do say anything about it it’ll be one tweet or so and that’s it. These people are the bloggers I will always look up to. They are so supportive of everyone and restored my faith in the community.
I hate conflict too. I avoid it at all costs!! I’d rather read about awesome, positive things. 🙂
I try my hardest to stay out of any blogger drama. That doesn’t mean I won’t peak at what’s going on and perhaps have a chat with my fellow bloggers privately. But I don’t put my opinion out there. I’m quite happy doing what I want to do and making the best of it (as you said). I don’t want others telling me what to do or how to do it or what they think is right and wrong.
Hahaha yeah I’m a total peeker. I like to check out what’s going on, absorb it, but then move on. I’m fine with being aware of what’s going on, I just don’t like to LINGER over it, you know?
I hate arguing about stupid shit. I don’t acknowledge blogger or author drama. I just don’t have time for that in my life. But I also don’t begrudge bloggers who want to talk about the drama. I may agree or not agree but that’s up to them. I just don’t read those posts. I use to read those posts early in blogging, and they would either get me angry or make me feel bad about myself. Why do I need that in my life? I don’t. Done and done.
Ugh I totally agree. It’s just all so POINTLESS! I kind of like to be aware of what’s happening (curiosity and all that) but I DO NOT want to get caught up in it. I kind of want to check it out once, but then immediately move onto something else. I don’t want to spend days fighting about it.
The only real control we have is our reactions and our behavior….so I am all for detaching and moving on.
Absolutely!! 🙂
The majority of the time I only find out about drama by seeing about a bazillion blog posts about it a couple of days afterwards. I don’t get involved with it because the majority of the time it seems to be over small things that are blown out of proportion and ain’t nobody got time for that.
You’re right, so many of those things are just blown waaaaay out of proportion.
I despise confrontation and conflict and half the time I’m completely oblivious to any drama in the blogging world which I prefer. Blogging of my hobby and I do it for fun so when any negativity rears is head I avoid it. As Rosie said above the only time I know what is going on is when there are 101 posts after everything has happened which I also skim, drama just isn’t for me.
A great post.
Oblivious is good in this case! Ignorance is bliss. I’m sure it’ll make you a happier blogger. 🙂
I’m also an option #2 person. Most of the time I don’t even know what’s going on and I pretty much never get involved – that would just lead to me yelling at the computer.
Haha, absolutely! And who wants to yell at their computer? I mean, what if it yells back…?
I don’t like to argue in real life and on blog too. Some moves by publishers or authors do disappoint me, but I never wish to stop blogging only to stop communicate with them. I like my life drama free.
Who knows, maybe these days I will conquer my addiction to click Request button on NetGalley and Edelweiss and read what the hell I want whenever I want. 🙂
As for bloggers who do all the drama thing, if it rock their boat – they may dramatize and moan as much as they want. When they start tweeting or blogging too much about things that don’t interest me, there is always that Unfollow/Unsubscribe button.
Same here. I HATE arguing in both real life and online. Sometimes I like to read about what’s going on, but then I want to MOVE ON, you know? I don’t want to sit and fight about it for eons and eons. I just fulfil my little curiosity streak, then find something else to read about.
I like to stay on the sideline. I try to ignore the drama as much as possible, sometimes even by staying away from Twitter for a couple of days. I love blogging, I love the community and I want to keep it that way. I don’t need all the negativity and like you said, I honestly don’t care if someone doesn’t like the way I blog. You don’t have to follow me if you don’t agree, but I like it this way.
Yeah whenever I find myself rolling my eyes at EVERY OTHER TWEET I know it’s time to take a break from Twitter.
Yes. Everything about this. It’s like you took the words right out of my brain. 🙂 And great reminder. It’s easy to get caught up and forget blogging is supposed to be fun (or whatever you make it).
Haha! 😀 But yeah, we don’t need all this drama and fighting. It’s soooo exhausting.
You’re absolutely right! I try to keep out of all the drama and ignore it.
BUT DAMNIT ASHLEY NOW THAT SONG IS STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN!!! I just managed to get it out. *sob*
IT’S SUCH AN AMAZING SONG! IT WILL BE WITH US FOREVERRR!
I WILL NEVER LET IT GO!
If there’s drama in the book blogging community, I stay completely out of it. I don’t tweet about it, I don’t comment on blogs about it (unless one of my close book blogging friends has written a post on it), I basically don’t get involved at all. If some of my blogging friends have been affected by it, I’ll DM them about it but I’ll never get fully involved. It’s like with the whole Zoella ghost-writing thing, practically everything on my timeline was about that for quite a few days and I don’t feel like I need to add to all the arguments and harsh comments being exchanged. A lot of the time I don’t even know that there is drama and I’ll only hear about it a couple of weeks later. If authors start saying horrible things about bloggers or there’s been plagiarizing, I’ll feel upset and disappointed for a couple of minutes, but I’m not going to let what other people do and say in the blogging community get to me. Lovely post! <3
Yeah it gets soooo old after a while. I don’t mind seeing little news snippets now and then, I just don’t like to linger over it for DAYS AND DAYS (or weeks). Like, I would have been curious to know about the Zoella thing. But then once you’ve heard it, YOU’VE HEARD IT! You know? I don’t need to talk about it for days and days and days. I just need to see it once and then move on!
Whenever there is drama I ignore it and I don’t talk or argue about it, I tend to stay away and just continue doing what I do. Half the time I don’t even know that drama happened until long after and people are still talking about it lol.
I think that’s the best thing to do. 🙂 It’ll probably make you happier if you stay out of it. All that arguing can be so exhausting.
I’m a very non confrontational person by nature. No drama for me please! I’m definitely of the Let it Go variety (I’ll be singing this song ALL day now 😀 )
IT’S ONE OF MY FAVOURITE SONGS EVER!!! 😀
Mine too!! Do You Want To Build a Snowman and In Summer are a close second though…I wonder if I can talk my son into watching this today 🙂
Is it just me, or has there been an elevated level of drama/negativity in the book-blogoshphere in the last six months or so?
Wonder how many other people out there are unsubscribing from these sorts of folks.
I think a healthy argue is fine but when people judge others or want to stick with their opinion no matter what and show stupid points of why they are right etc that’s not even arguing…is someone being stupid – for example: if i don’t like a book, why is someone convencing me that i’m wrong?!…people like and dislike is subjective…and everyone opinions must be respected!
If someone pick about something in my blog, is ok to write about it in one post but make a drama and talk about it over days is stupid…is our blog choice to be the way we want it to be…we don’t have to be defending ourselves all the time “sorry for this and that…”
🙂
I must lack the right brain receptors or something: I don’t see drama. I mean, yes, I did notice one or two controversies (like the one about the author stalking a reviewer) but I didn’t see them explode all over the blogosphere in such a way I would call it drama.
Actually, I usually realize there is/was a drama somewhere because people complain about the childishness of it on Twitter (often) or in a blog post like this one. I wonder if this is because I only know/follow people that are exposed to it though not involved, and not don’t the actual drama-participants.
In any case, drama belongs to kindergarten (at best). A click on “unfollow” or something similar is the best cure imo. 🙂
This is exactly how I feel, Ashley! I even started a draft of a post titled “blogging is what you make it.” Although I understand people getting frustrated with all the crazy drama, I also just want people to let it go and not let it affect how you feel about blogging. Make the decision to not let it bother you and move on. Focus on the amazing things about the community. It’s truly not that difficult. There are so many bloggers our there, and when there are a lot of people all doing something similar there is going to be drama. It just happens. Don’t let it get to you. GREAT post!
I don’t mind an honest *civil* debate over a topic, but I’m not a fan of drama. Particularly prolonged drama in which nothing remotely productive occurs. I also feel like, to some extent, we’ve lost the art of “agreeing to disagree.” So, yeah, if I really feel the need to say something, I try to say it civilly; otherwise, ignore it and move on with life. There are more important things out there. Like sugar cookies. 🙂
I completely agree! Sometimes I’ll voice an opinion that contradict’s someone else’s and we’ll debate it for a while, but after a certain period you have to realize that nobody is changing their minds.
If I know my opinion won’t change and THEIR opinion won’t change, then what’s the point? Do we just infinitely go back and forth?
We need to agree to disagree, otherwise it’ll never end.
I love this post so much! I usually don’t see or hear about drama until someone mentions it or something like that. If I do see drama, I read it and then move on. If it doesn’t affect me, then there’s no reason for me to give my opinion. Like you said, I don’t care if anyone doesn’t like the way I blog.
I despise #3. If you don’t like blogging anymore, then don’t do it. I don’t get the need to complain, just to what, get people to sympathize you?
I hate blogger drama, I hate that it’s always the same bloggers (and sometimes authors) who are always involved…
This is a great way to handle the drama. I think you are right, that “prolonging the drama” is a big problem, and the book blogging community would benefit from a more “you do you” philosophy. I know there are times when commentary on these events can make great discussion post content, but I would rather see a more positive community than one where every event must be dissected ad nauseum. It’s a fine line!
I’m guilty of reading the drama, but that is as far as I usually go in contributing. I agree, it is a waste of fun blogging time. Some people, though, thrive on drama, and they will intentionally do, post, or say things to create it. I have “Let it Go” and “Why Can’t We Be Friends” stuck in my head now 🙂
I’m still pretty new to this whole community so I usually don’t hear about the drama until after it’s all over. I must admit that, though, that I have a certain voyeuristic curiosity and will usually read whatever I can find about the drama once it’s over. It’s usually pretty entertaining. Like someone said earlier, it’s kind of like reality tv. However, I hate drama if I’m involved. I’m far removed from high school and don’t need any of that drama in my life. (No offense to any real high-schoolers here).
As a side note, these types of controversies are not relegated to the blogging community. When I was pregnant with my first child, I joined a couple of different message boards about pregnancy. I left after a few weeks because these women were so catty and judgmental of each other. Lots of arguments with no one able to change anyone else’s opinions.
Can’t we all just get along? 🙂
Last year, I was the opinion editor of my school’s paper, and I’m always a part of the editorial meetings. Naturally, when I see a prominent issue, I’m inclined to follow the issue for a little while to get a thorough understanding and establish my own firm viewpoint. I usually don’t embed myself in the drama though. Big blogging community controversies tend to be like firecrackers, loud and explosive but rather short-lived. I’m usually too tired after school to go write about any of the issues — unless they really rile me up — and I realize that it’s not worth my time to write about something that’ll fade to the background in a few days.
This is the second post I’ve seen today about drama HAHAHA I must be missing a lot, I have been MIA for a while. I love blogging as it is, it’s pretty fun connecting to other fans and readers and I pretty much love how friendly the community is. I’ve been too busy to start a drama and I never actually would want to. A lot of hate stirs up, still. 🙁
Eh, sometimes I think it needs to be discussed. I am very oblivious to blogger on blogger drama unless someone tells me about it, but author on blogger drama….I think it needs to be talked about in some form. Otherwise we learn nothing from it. Example: the EC s DA lawsuit. Or HaleNo. It’s when I see things like this that I wonder if it’s worth it, and if I should just go back to being a reader.
That said, I have no idea what drama inspired you to write this post, so I guess that’s a good thing! LOL
I do like being aware of what’s going on. I don’t mind talking about it for a day or two.
It becomes a problem for me when it’s PROLONGED. When, after 4-5 days people are STILL tweeting about it and pretty much just saying the same stuff on repeat. That’s when I start thinking, “Move on, already…”
“If someone criticizes me for the way I do things, they can just fuck off.” LMAO! GO Girl.
I don’t like drama – but when something happens, some bloggers’ true self come out and it’s eye opening, ya know? Like, THIS IS HOW THIS PERSON IS, REALLY? Make sense?
I love a good debate – but it seems like a lot of us can’t do that. It always turns into a “fight” or “argument” or someone calls “bullying” when things get ugly, I usually just turn a blind eye to it all and live in happy oblivion.
Great post!
You’re right, it can be eye opening!
I don’t mind a debate now and then, but I think after a certain point you should realize that you have an opinion that won’t change, and so do they. And if neither of you plan on changing your mind, then is there really a point in continuing? Sometimes people just argue in circles and it can be exhausting!
And oh gosh, all the “bullying” crap gets soooo annoying. People really like to swing that word around!
I don’t tend to get involved in any drama online. At one point I would read a handful of posts to see what happened, but now I just don’t even go there. Unless it involves me directly, then I don’t want to be a part of it anymore. I blog because I like it and I’ll blog about what I want and say what I like.
I also only read posts that appeal to me and keep my nose out of things that don’t warrant my two cents. I guess it makes sense to know what is happening so that I’m not blindsided in some way, but I just don’t like getting into so much drama over things.
9 times out of 10, I don’t even KNOW about the drama until its all over! LOL! Every now and then something big enough to reach my ears happens and then I tend to just shake it off and move on. I think I like knowing what’s up, because I don’t like being clueless, but it really doesn’t impact me one way or the other. I will keep blogging my way, reading what I want to read, etc. *shrugs* its kind of funny because my brother calls me a drama queen, but I think that’s more because I’m very emotive. I don’t actually like to cause drama. Great post!!
I am quite an argumentative person in real life but when I see drama erupting on Twitter over some silliness then I just ignore it. I mean I do occasionally have a look to see what the issue is (Zoella-gate, Kathleen Hale and the whole Kickstarter thing being the three that stand out) but I tend to either just educate myself on the topic and move on, or maybe state my opinion and then move on. I don’t engage in arguments and I don’t dwell on things. Blogging is just a fun hobby for me and I really don’t want to bring myself or other people down by kicking off about things that aren’t that important.
I’ll read up on it to see what is going on, but that’s about it. I don’t do drama in my personal life, and I don’t do it with blogging either. I just don’t have time for all that nonsense. I tend to move on. I do like to know what is generally happening. Other than that, I’m out.
I’ve been apart of the blogosphere for 15 years, but I’ve only been apart of the blogosphere for about 4. I’ve watched more drama in the book blogosphere in 4 years than in any other part of the blogosphere, which I’ve been apart of for much longer. I don’t get it. I don’t understand why there is so much drama amongst book bloggers, and I don’t understand why everyone has to write about it =\ I really don’t see the point in arguing about things until the very end. I just feel we would be much happier if we just let the drama slide past us.