The Infamous Ellen James by N.A. Alcorn

The Infamous Ellen James by N.A. Alcorn
Series: Infamous #1
Published by: Self Published on December 1, 2013
Genre: Contemporary, Erotica, Romance
Pages: 289
Source: Purchased
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Rating: ★★★★

Meet twenty-eight year old Ellen James. A sarcastic, feisty, foul-mouthed ER Nurse. She is snarky, sassy, and sometimes crudely inappropriate. After a terrible breakup with her fiancé, Ellen has promised herself that she will never make the mistake of falling for another man again… and physicians, well she’s more than written them off.

Once she meets sexy Trauma Surgeon, Dr. Trent Hamilton, this promise is unbelievably hard to keep. This too-hot-for-Ellen's-own-good man is undeniably sexy and down-right irresistible. He leaves her breathless, speechless, and irritatingly turned on. He makes her fantasize about him in all kinds of dirty, inappropriate ways.

With the help of her obnoxious, and often times hilarious best friend Amy, Ellen will find herself in several crazy, embarrassing situations.

This is a story of friendship, love and how one very sarcastic woman can find the strength to pick up the pieces after having her heart broken.

In her first novel, N.A. Alcorn provides interesting takes on the word vagina, while giving you a reason to re-think your next visit to the Emergency Room. This book is bound to make you laugh, smile, and provide you with enough sarcasm to choke your grandmother. No, N.A. doesn’t want anything bad to happen to your Grandma Ruth, but she does want you to strongly consider re-naming your vibrator after a guy who’s at the top of your spank bank rotation. Be prepared for dripping juice-boxes, awkward pelvic thrusting, and a little suspense to keep your snatch on edge.

The Infamous Ellen James is crude, raw, and vulgar

There are f-bombs and c-bombs and inappropriate jokes on every single page. They can be hilarious, but they’re also extremely vulgar and inappropriate. Make sure you think carefully before picking this book up!

“Sign language is useful. You never know when you’ll find yourself being thrusted by a guy with a hearing impairment and you want to tell him to plunge that dick harder.”

What I liked

There’s no questioning it: The Infamous Ellen James is a hilarious book. Ellen and her best friend Amy have no censors! They let the inappropriate jokes fly far and high. They’re hilarious and I was laughing out loud and sharing quotes with my boyfriend on multiple occasions!

I absolutely adored the romance between Ellen and Trent. They were SO SWEET together! I love how much Trent so obviously adored Ellen. Yes there’s a ton of sex and lust, but there’s also love there! Once you look past the hardcore pounding and thrusting, you can see how much these two care for each other. It’s so sweet and literally melted my heart! And holy shit, the sex in this book is HOT and FREQUENT! Prepare to be flustered and fanning yourself.

I can’t decide if my next point (which builds on the previous one) is positive or negative. I loved Ellen and Trent’s relationship so much that I was constantly terrified of what the central conflict would be. Usually in romances like this there’s a great relationship, then there’s some kind of trust issue or cheating or something like that.. I desperately wanted their relationship to stay awesome and I dreaded anything bad happening to it! Now my praise/complaint is somewhat spoilery (but not super spoilery), so I’ll put it in spoiler tags: View Spoiler » [Just as I hoped, nothing bad actually happens. There’s no cheating, no major trust issues, no huge blown up fight, etc. On the one hand, I loved that because Trent and Ellen never got into a huge argument or pondered breaking up. But on the other hand, it did make the story a tad boring after a while. You just hear Ellen constantly saying, “Trent is prefect, I love him, my relationship rocks” over and over again. And while their relationship was in fact sweet and a pleasure to read about, the lack of any conflict whatsoever did make it a tad boring once it neared the last quarter of the book. « Hide Spoiler]

I loved how Ellen was a nurse and we get some insight into what it’s like to work in the emergency room. There are some pretty hilarious patient stories, including:

• A woman with an abnormally large asshole
• A different woman who’s constantly shoving strange household objects up her ass

Who wakes up and says, “Hmmm, I think I’ll make my coffee, read the newspaper, and maybe attempt to put this coffee pot in my ass”?

What I didn’t like

I mostly thought that Ellen and Amy were hilarious.. but there were some times that they acted like such immature teenagers. They are 28 years old (or at least Amy is), but sometimes they acted like crazy, partying 17 year olds. And that leads me to my next point:

I actually think Ellen is an alcoholic. She drinks an OBSCENE amount of alcohol throughout the book. She goes partying basically every night, and every single time she does, she gets SHIT FACED. Like, “wake up vomiting with a crazy hang over and can barely remember what happened” shit faced. She even snuck vodka into a company sponsored charity golfing event.. and got shit faced there. And Amy, who also got shit faced at that same event, then got super pissed when a guy refused to have sex with her (because she was so shit faced and he didn’t want to take advantage of her). I mean, holy shit, ladies! There is a limit!

My flight from Charlotte to Nashville was a fucking nightmare. The scheduled one-hour flight took three times longer due to mechanical difficulties, and this cunt of a flight attendant rudely cut me off after four glasses of wine. Who does that? A cunt, that’s who; a god damn cut named Gina whose bleached blond stripper hair will most likely fall out from incessant amounts of peroxide and hairspray. Don’t worry; I left her a kind note on my beverage napkin…

Dear Va-Gina,
Learn some fucking manners before you rudly cut someone off from alcohol on a fucking flight that was delayed for over two hours. Four glasses of wine is barely enough to give me a buss.
Lick my asshole,
Passenger 32B

P.S. I fucked your pilot, Bill, last weekend in New York. He’s ah-mazing.

The constant drinking really wore me down after a while. I don’t like drinking in real life and I don’t judge people who do it, but reading about a woman who gets completely hammered every single night legitimately had me concerned.. just based on the pure QUANTITY of alcohol she consumed on an almost-daily basis, I actually thought she’d be an alcoholic. It was pretty disgusting, to be honest. It started to hinder my enjoyment of the book just because it was so pathetic.

“Amy and I have consumed enough alcohol to tranquilize an elephant.”

Really fun book, but torn between amusement and disgust

Overall, The Infamous Ellen James was a hilarious, fun, and sweet book! It was a SUPER quick read (I basically read it in one sitting). If you’re in the mood for a good laugh with crude humour, this is your book! The only major downer was that I was constantly torn between amusement and disgust when it came to Ellen. Her constant shit-faced drinking did yield some hilariously embarrassing moments, but it was so frequent that it actually had me a bit disgusted.

The Verdict